abraham-shipwreck:

Casual fridays arent allowed in the office after last weeks “incident.”

(Source: mgworld4, via ibock)

unclefather:

A bee can become drunk from fermented nectar and other bees will punish it by chewing off its legs.

"Hey, Pete is drunk again lets chew his legs off"

(via eclecticbibliophile)

homonomo:

my sister asked what type of soup I was eating but I didnt know what to say because I had just poured orange juice into a bowl and was drinking it with a spoon

(Source: plr2, via itskaitlynnduhh)

purplemercat:

shinjimikami:

ok

thank

mariettapk:

seriously, if you ever needed a reason to play mother 3, just look at its enemy descriptions

(via ibock)

Parent: what does a cow say?
Baby: "moo!"
Parent: yes! And what does a sheep say?
Baby: "baah!"
Parent: yay! And what does a pig say?
Baby: *whistles* "damn babygirl u a fine piece'a ass wanna hop n my car n ill drive ya to pound town!!"

wholesomeblogging:

i can’t stop laughing at this dumb shit omfg

(Source: iraffiruse, via flacidpizza)

fini-mun:

Imagine this scenario. You drop your phone in the cake batter. The cake bakes. The cake comes out looking great, and you frost it. It looks beautiful. A masterpiece of baking.
Later, you need to make a phone call, but you can’t find your phone. You ask your friend to call you, so you can find it by the ring tone. You hear a muffled ring. Slowly, both you and your friend turn to the cake.

fini-mun:

Imagine this scenario. You drop your phone in the cake batter. The cake bakes. The cake comes out looking great, and you frost it. It looks beautiful. A masterpiece of baking.

Later, you need to make a phone call, but you can’t find your phone. You ask your friend to call you, so you can find it by the ring tone. You hear a muffled ring. Slowly, both you and your friend turn to the cake.

(Source: multipack, via ibock)

pleatedjeans:

the end is near. [x]

pleatedjeans:

the end is near. [x]

(via flacidpizza)

itssassyphan:

reigisaswimminginmyheart:

ah2spooky:

beahbeah:

also: SPACE SHEETS

i literally can’t imagine a scenario where a person wouldn’t want these

The sex would be

OUT OF THIS WORLD

GET OUT

OF THIS WORLD

(via flacidpizza)

forgotteninferno:

glittertitties:

paper-planes-and-toy-trains:

you are my sunshine

image

my only sunshine

image

you make me happy

image

when skies are gray

image

you’ll never know dear

image

how much i love you

image

please dont take

image

my sunshine away

image

this is the most beautiful post i have ever seen I’m my life

This makes me a happy Irish man

(Source: spell-i-c-u-p, via flacidpizza)

vocaroo:

and-exhaleee:

vocaroo:

me pulling a knife on my grandma

IS SHE WEARING A LIFE ALERT

yes and she’s gonna need it

vocaroo:

and-exhaleee:

vocaroo:

me pulling a knife on my grandma

IS SHE WEARING A LIFE ALERT

yes and she’s gonna need it

(via flacidpizza)

vinegod:

Summary of “The Fault in Our Stars” by Gio Volpe

(via flacidpizza)

deanwinchestire:

I found an unopened pack of Batman silly bands so I opened them and I caN’T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S DANCING

image

slide to the right

image

slide to the left

image

take it back now y’all

image

CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH

(via flacidpizza)

fartgallery:

readingaroundthemovies:

fartgallery:

i need to date a girl with the initials AG so we can carve SW+AG on benches

Those r my mums initials…,

say hello to your new dad. i see that your tumblr blog contains some vulgar language. you’re grounded

(via flacidpizza)